Lamentations

1) And the people made moan and said "O Google Almighty, thine enemy Apple hath bundled iWork in the new Jesus phone and we must download dodgy office apps from Hong Kong."

2) And Google said: "Let them have Quickoffice for free and without charge, and they that did pay for the Pro edition can stuff themselves and welcome."

And there was joy throughout the land, as the people did download Quickoffice onto their PCs and their iPhones and their Android tablets and onto everything that was theirs.

3) Then they did open their Docs from Google Drive in Quickoffice and it would not. It would only open in a non-editable PDF. For Google had decreed that Quickoffice shall only open Word documents. And there was wailing and gnashing of teeth. And the people did blaspheme mightily.

4) There was a man in Eng-land whose needs were few. His one desire was a word processor that would enter plain text and would have a word count, and that would work in the same way on his iPad, and on his Samsung Galaxy Note and on his PC at home. "How long, oh Google, oh Apple, oh Microsoft?" he cried.

So he welcomed Quickoffice for free, of which he kneweth good things from the days before it had been swallowed by Google. And he did download it. And lo! in the iOS version it did have a word count. And great was the man's joy.

5) But then he downloaded it to his Galaxy Note. And there was no word count. And when he tried to open his Drive folder a window openeth saying the folder was found not. And the man was dumbstruck with fury and swore mighty oaths.

6) "Forgive me Evernote," he saith. "For I have lusted after other gods. Return me to thy favour so everything on which I work may be present whatever device I useth.

"But I beseech thee, oh mighty Evernote, give me a fucking word count so my joy may be unconfined."