Come on Tim, gimme a new iPad

Since the great iPad disaster I have been working on my reserve emergency backup tablet, an Acer Iconia One 7, and I'm not having an entirely happy time.
I bought it because I needed something running Android at a moment when I had a Windows phone (I've sobered up and am back on Android with the rather fab Moto G 3rd generation). It was on sale at Staples and was a good deal.
Great for testing apps. For work, not so good. The screen is too small. It is frustratingly slow. The touch screen isn't sensitive enough. The hardware can't run Lollipop.
And now it is developing horrible little habits like trying to log on to the wrong wifi signals and randomly switching Bluetooth off, so I have to restart it before I can use the keyboard. I am starting to hate it.
Which is why I want a new tablet now. And the fabled iPad Pro with its monster screen sounds like just the job.
Go on Tim. Gimme a new iPad this afternoon. I need it. I deserve it. And if I don't get it, I will buy a Lenovo so help me God.